Larry David is not known for being overly sentimental. This certainly shows in his quotes about parenthood.
The comedian has two daughters ― Cazzie and Romy ― with ex-wife Laurie David. Since becoming a dad in 1994, he’s shared snippets of his parenting experience in interviews.
In honor of his birthday, we’ve rounded up 12 candid and funny quotes about fatherhood from the “Curb Your Enthusiasm” star. Enjoy!
On Becoming A Parent
“First of all, it’s shocking to me that I was even allowed to be a father. Shocking. It’s shocking that all of us are raised by people who don’t know anything about it. It’s all crazy that we are all allowed to breed. I just can’t get over it because none of us, with few exceptions, really know anything about it or what the hell we’re doing. Look at what the world is ― it’s a result of parents who don’t know anything about what they’re doing. They have a test with so many other things like for a driver’s license, but not to be a parent.”
On His Bad Tendencies As A Dad
“I think about this a lot ― whether or not I’m a good father. Sometimes I think I’m a terrible father. I don’t really have a spine. In my physical make-up ― you won’t find one in my X-ray. I have trouble saying no to people, so anything a kid would ask, I’ll just say yes to.”
On Parenting After Divorce
“The best situation is being a single parent. The best part about [it] is that you get time off, too, because the kids are with their mom, so it’s the best of both worlds. There’s a lot to be said for it. You get married, you have kids ― you should plan this from the beginning. ‘We’re going to have these kids, then we’ll get divorced when they’re four. All right, six.’”
On Doing ‘Hannah Montana’ Because His Daughters Were Fans
“Do you think that was pleasant? No. OK?”
On The Most Painful Part Of Parenthood
“I have a wonderful relationship with my daughters. At least I do on my end. I don’t know how they feel, but boy, it’s hard. It’s been hard from the beginning. I had no idea that it would be that hard. But the most painful aspect of it is, when they were very little and I had to go to these birthday parties and just stand around talking to people I didn’t know, trying to pass the time and chit chat with these awful chit-chatting parents. I felt like I was going to have a heart attack.”
On ‘Great Dads’
“I think I was a good dad. I wasn’t a great dad. The great dad … I can’t stand the great dad. They’re not even friends with you anymore. They’re so busy they don’t have time to get a cup of coffee. I can’t stand them. Go. Go be with your kid. Who gives a shit. So the great dads, they renounce their lives. … They bother me, the great dads.”
On Hating Halloween
“If you’re an adult, what’s in it for me, you know? I don’t see the benefit of it.”
On The Evolution Of Parenthood
“It’s a lot more fun now that they are older, and they’re these wonderful people you love to be around.”
On Drawing Comedy Inspiration From His Daughters
“I’ll look at my daughter’s doll, and think to myself, this doll could use a haircut. And if I did cut the hair, what would happen? Oh boy, my daughter would be really upset. And I can see that could be really funny.”
On Media For Parents
“I have kids. Most of the shows they watch, I’ll watch what they’re watching just to spend time with them. So I watch ‘Gossip Girl.’ … I’ve watched ‘Hannah Montana,’ ‘That’s So Raven.’ … I mean you can’t believe what I’ve had to watch. I told my daughter the other day ― ‘Do you know what I have had to do for you? I had to sit through “Rugrats in Europe,” OK? That was so painful but I love you so much that I sat through that with you.’”
On Letting His Daughters Watch His Shows
“I didn’t let them watch for a long [time] because it was inappropriate. Now they can watch it they don’t have any interest in it. They’ve never been a fan of the show, and they’re not a fan of their father.”
On Parenting Teenagers
“I’m much better at being a father since they became teenagers. When they were very little, I had trouble getting on the floor.”